Yesterday, I just happened to catch my reflection in a store window as I walked past. To celebrate my first Sunday as a citizen of the very hot Paso Robles, I had worn shorts, which is something I very rarely do. Luckily for me, the weather has been fairly mild lately (me: “90 degrees is MILD???”) but still, shorts seemed appropriate. That is, until I saw the reflection.
Normally I don’t worry too much about the shape of my legs. They take me from point a to point b, they tolerate my high-heeled shoes complex, and every so often, I remember to run a razor over them. But I stopped short when I saw my reflection… my thighs are looking a little… substantial. I rushed home and the first words out of my mouth when I saw my husband were so typical, I almost gagged on them: “Do my thighs look fat in these shorts?” He’s no dummy. “NO, of COURSE not. Why would you ask such a thing? You look GREAT!… (pregnant pause) Of course, it has been a while since you’ve ridden your mountain bike.” Oh, you mean the chariot of pain that is the source of all the ugly scars and bruises that still mar the surface of my skin? No thanks. Not an option. Not until I grow another pair (so to speak) and get over my fears.
Running is not an attractive option. Neither is lifting weights, since I don’t have a gym membership anymore. Buns of Steel DVD? mmmmmmmmmmmmNope. “I’m going to spend more time in my standing poses,” I told Tay. “mmHmm. Okay,” he answered in that non-committal, yoga-is-not-a-workout tone of his.
And so I did. I spent 10 breaths in all the standing poses, with the exception of UHP and Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana, in which I spent 8 breaths. And oh man, did I feel it. Afterwards, as I continued unpacking boxes and moving furniture, my legs shook underneath me and felt unstable. And today, I’m quite sore indeed. But then I began thinking about it on a “deeper” level. I’ve just modified the system to suit my fancy. The “purist” in me criticizes my actions and judges my vain attempt to slim down those gams. And then on the other hand, I wonder how much of a modification this really was. I mean, it’s not like I omitted poses because I didn’t like them or added a few in because they just felt good. What’s the big deal? Why do I worry so much about these things?
And then on the other side of the fence… Why do I worry so much about the size of the thighs?