Motivation, that is. Where has it gone? I have none. I’m a lazy sloth. I’m overwhelmed. Seriously. I was supposed to pack all week, and I haven’t packed a box since Monday. I was supposed to practice all week, haven’t practiced since Monday. Have I been busy? No, not really. Have I been stressed out? Yes, incredibly.
I’m stressed out by the thought of doing all this work, and I’m stressed out by the guilt that I haven’t practiced all week. So this is like Imaginary Stress that wouldn’t exist if I actually got off my lazy ass and packed or got up out of bed when my alarm goes off and practiced, but instead I do nothing. And this causes stress.
Last night I had a 90 minute massage. And the whole time, I was stressed out thinking that I did not deserve it. Halfway through, I could feel my body tensing up again, so I had to start chanting a mantra just to get the stressful self-loathing thoughts out of my head. Om Namah Shivaya.
In other news, I have a new plan for my future. This one might actually work. More on that later. I should start chanting to Ganesha.