Okay, I’m totally over this “Mysore Project”. The chick never shows up when she says she will, so the only benefit I get out of this whole thing is… nothing. I get nothing. I practice by myself in a cold yoga studio instead of practicing by myself in my own warm yoga room. I shower before my practice and practice with wet hair, rather than showering after my practice and going to work clean and dry. We’re scheduled to meet again tomorrow. I emailed her: “I’m practicing at my house tomorrow at 6 a.m. You’re more than welcome to meet me there to practice, there’s definitely enough room for the two of us.” Hmph. I practiced this morning, and got through my whole practice, but the first half was full of negative thoughts. “Why am I here? This is ridiculous, I can’t believe she stood me up once again. Why should I believe her if she tells me she’s coming tomorrow? Ah, screw it. I’m practicing at home tomorrow. Wait. This isn’t yoga. Let it go, stop the chatter…. ”
Yoga chitta vritti nirodhah
Tada drashtuh svarupe avasthanam
On a positive note, 17 people showed up for day one of my 3rd Intro to Ashtanga workshop. After last week’s disappointment (one student), I almost cried tears of joy. To big city folks, 16 people in one class may not seem like a large class, but here in a small town where yoga hasn’t hit it big yet, this is a full class. I’ve never seen the space so full. I had a little stage fright. Trembling with nerves. I think it went well. We spent A LOT of time on chaturanga and updog. And boy, am I sore today from all the demos. I hope my students aren’t too sore.
It’s funny… I have friends and students who are constantly telling me how much they love my classes and how much they appreciate the fact that I’m teaching ashtanga… but then they hardly ever come to class. It’s a little frustrating. Really, it’s not the money that I stress about. The income from my classes is more or less just fun money with which to purchase yoga clothes or workshops… I don’t budget it into my income. I don’t think “wow, ten bucks for an hour and a half of my time is not worth it,” because it is worth it. Giving my time to others is important to me, whether I’m rewarded monetarily or otherwise. It’s always rewarding. It’s just disheartening to teach a class with only a few students. I start to question myself, I wonder if I’m beating a dead horse, I wonder if I’m the right person “for the job.” It’s a blow to the self-confidence.
Damn that ego.