I was supposed to have a job interview this afternoon.
I was supposed to get a call from a woman once she came into town.
We were supposed to meet around 5. I called a friend to ask for a little background info on the company, turns out she was meeting with the same woman at 4:30. The wine industry is very small in these parts… Everyone knows everyone, and I happen to be very good friends with a few of my fellow candidates for this position.
I sat and watched the phone. I cancelled my plans to practice yoga with Amy so I could sit and watch a phone.
And when I never received the call, I wondered what was wrong with me. Why aren’t I good enough? She said she would call…. She must have met someone better than me.
Remember that time when that one boy asked for your phone number? You know, THE ONE who you really wanted to call you? And you went home and you sat right next to the phone. When it didn’t ring, you’d pick up the phone to make sure it was working. And when your mother needed to make a call, you’d say, “MOM, NO!” Because this was before call waiting, and what if he tried to call and it was busy. Remember? Remember what it felt like?
I seriously feel 14 years old all over again.
And if she calls tomorrow…. Well, tough girl Jenna says “fuck off, you missed your shot.” But 14 year old Jenna will totally jump at another chance for an interview.
I’m so pathetic.
Deep breaths. Think Stuart Smalley. “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and Gosh Darnit, People like me.”