This is not a picture of my ass.
This is a picture of a model’s ass. My ass does not look that good. It might have once, before college. But now, alas, no. I don’t have that much space between my thighs because I cheat in Viribhadrasanas and Uttanasana. And because I do bad things like eat fudgey brownies for breakfast.
Sure, they were vegan. But that doesn’t mean they’re good for you.
Your extremely flattered daughter,