Cocoon

Okay, so I’ve been seriously MIA. I thought starting a new blog would be helpful, but that didn’t help. So I’m back to my old digs. I’m more comfortable here, anyways. Too much history to just leave it all behind. Y’all don’t mind if I post about babies and quilts and cooking and the lack of cooking and maybe a little about yoga here and there, do you?

So here’s a quick update on what I’ve been up to.

I am amazed every day at how fast time is flying by. Ash is sleeping through the night… every so often. He was doing great, and then he grew out of his cosleeper. So we moved him into his own room this week, and we both have mixed feelings about it. It’s nice to read a book in bed and it’s lovely to cough or turn over in bed without worrying about the repercussions. But I miss waking up to his cooing and looking up to see his smiling face. Last night, he slept straight through the night until 6 a.m. for the first time downstairs (he usually wakes up every morning at 1:30 on the dot) and I woke up every hour on my own, wondering why he hadn’t woken up yet.

We started “solids” this week, rice cereal with breastmilk. Ash LOVES it, but likes to help guide the spoon to his mouth. Which means the food goes every where but in his mouth.

Working motherhood is hard. I found childcare. For now, Ash goes twice a week to daycare (a wonderful place, although I think it’s probably a good thing that we don’t discuss politics, given her husband’s “NObama” bumper sticker), once a week with Grandma, and we sort of juggle him the other two days. My workload has doubled in the past two weeks. I’m struggling to keep up with Ash’s appetite. Since I work out of my car, I pump while driving. Can you imagine what the CHP officer would say if I was pulled over?

Ash rolled over for the first time on Father’s Day. Daddy saw it, I missed it. A true Father’s Day gift. Now he’s working on sitting up and he’s getting close. Today he was sitting up on his own, and as I reached for the camera… BOOM… he went down, hit his head, and started crying. And I felt like the worst mother in the world. Again. For like the thousandth time. He’s a happy baby. He loves his daddy, who can make him laugh like no one else can.

The mommy-guilt is a pretty intense thing. I always claimed that I would keep up my daily yoga practice and all my me-time after I had a baby. Now I have a baby and when I do take me-time, I have to force myself to enjoy it. Strange.

I’ve fit in my yoga practice sporadically. I did pretty well last week, practicing three days in a row. This week… Nada. But I’ve got a retreat coming up in a few weeks along with the lovely Owl down in Ojai, and I’m hoping I can use that weekend as a springboard of sorts back into my personal practice.

I’m tired. I think I need a multi-vitamin. Even though I feel like I eat everything in sight, I feel like my body is lacking something. Maybe it’s exercise. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I’ve lost muscle mass. I stepped on a scale on Wednesday for the first time, and I haven’t been at this weight since I was a freshman in high school. Not what I was expecting post-partum, not that I’m complaining.

I’ve had some of the best days of my life in the past 6 months. But there have been some of the toughest days of my life as well. Overall, I have never been so in love with my family.

I hope I can write and read more often around here. I missed you all…